Family Christmas Photo

So it turns out that I might be really vain.

We tried to take a family photo to put in our Christmas cards yesterday. Well, I tried to anyway. My husband was kind of just doing what he was told.

I showered. This is a big deal since I’ve had kids because unfortunately, that doesn’t happen every day anymore. I blow dried my hair and tried to style it. I put on make up. I put cute clothes on the kids, wet their hair so their curls would come out instead of being obscured in a mat of tangles. I arranged the scene, set up the camera. I practiced a bunch of shots using various settings until I found a good one. This part seemed most important as I knew the kids wouldn’t want to sit long. I wanted to be able to just click the auto-timer 2, maybe 3, times and be done so that we weren’t fighting squirming kids.

I called Aaron in from the garage. He took off his jacket and toque, put on a sweater and sat where I told him. He looks perfect in every. single. picture. It took him 3 seconds to get ready. Perfect smile, perfect hair. Argh.

We took 3 shots. Rain was surprisingly into it. He usually doesn’t like pictures but he seemed excited by the race to get in position before the auto-timer clicked our portrait. Everyone looks great. But who the hell is that plastic fake mom with my family? Aaron agreed.

Okay. Take Two. I put my hair up the way it is every day. I changed my shirt. There. At least I look like myself now. Grab the kids again and try again. We managed 4 shots before we had to give up because Noa was getting increasingly terrified of the auto-timer flash. In every picture she’s making this “Oh, god, there it goes again” face.

And me? I tried to sit straight, smile nicely, eyes open, keep Rain’s hands from blocking anyone’s face and we got 4 shots of me (at least it’s me this time) in all kinds of contorted facial expressions. How is this possible when it felt like I just sat still and smiled right when the flash went off? Do I do these strange faces consistently every half second and the camera just captures them? Am I sending some terribly off-kilter subliminal message without knowing it, like movies that put in a flash of “Drink Coke” or “It’s all a conspiracy” so quickly that we don’t consciously notice but we still rush off to buy coke?

So I had a little hissy fit. To my husband, it seemed like a gross over-reaction.

But you know, it goes a lot deeper than a stupid Christmas card photo. I’ve definitely not been feeling like I look my best lately. Erica Ehm and her Yummy Mummy club can eat it because I’m the founding member of the Frumpy Mummy club. Card carrying member. And yet, God knows I don’t need that broadcast on all of our Christmas cards. It’s supposed to be like, an undercover club. Covert. I try to be a bit dignified in public. I try.

Motherhood kind of sucks it out of you in some ways doesn’t it? Does anyone really consciously decide that Soccer Mom is their ideal style or does it just happen to you? Like a virus?

I mean, I used to have cute short haircuts but when you lay down 2 or 3 times a day putting babies down for naps, short hair means you’re permanently sporting Bed Head. This is especially upsetting on those days when you actually manage to shower and do your hair before 10:00 in the morning and your husband comes home from work and looks at you like “Did you just get up?” So I grew my hair out but it’s kind of thick and unmanageable so that means I wear it up every day. I quit getting it dyed when I was pregnant the first time so now it’s kind of boring brown all the time. I’ve never been much of a makeup person and it would probably take a lot to cover the dark sleepless circles under my eyes. Then there are the days when I put clean clothes on and the baby wipes her snotty nose on my shoulder or grabs my legs with peanut butter on her hands. These things just happen. And sometimes I just don’t have the energy to work against all that especially if I don’t have anywhere to be that day.

It’s not really all about putting your best face forward or keeping up appearances. It’s partly about feeling good, about not feeling run down and tired. But shit, how frustrating is it to actually put in the effort and be the one ruining the Christmas photo?

Is this episode telling me it’s just vanity or that it’s time to take care of myself a little more? Was I trying too hard instead of just being natural? Or maybe I’m just being too hard on myself?

How about you? Do you look at yourself before you look at your kids in the family photo? Do you care? Are you in any of the pictures anyway?

Photo: Awkward Family Photos: http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/07/20/giftwrapped/