Posts by bluebirdmama
Looking Back
Last year at this time I was in the middle of my third trimester of a surprise pregnancy. I wanted to spend the last week of 2010 reflecting on the previous year and anticipating the next. I wanted to choose a word of the year. But I just couldn’t get past anticipating how the new baby would change our lives. All I could think about/plan for was the upcoming birth and my fears/excitement about becoming a family of five. I felt like I had just boarded a roller coaster and well, a roller coaster isn’t the best place to write in your journal or have a strategic planning session. I let the planning and reflecting go and I sat back to enjoy the ride (or hold on/white-knuckle it as it were). This year I am again in a mental space that allows me to step back and look at the bigger picture. This year I’ve chosen a word and I’ve been able to look back at the last two years to see the themes and lessons that brought us to today. 2010 began with me seeking a clear vision of my path, and consequently, faith and trust that my dreams were achievable. It was supposed to be a year of planning and moving forward, but we got thrown a curve-ball mid-way through the year, in the form of an unplanned pregnancy. Just like that everything changed: I forgot all about my intentions and plans from January and focused on the baby we would be welcoming. Yet, looking back, I see that the year was still embodied by vision, faith and trust. I had to rewrite my vision of our family and our plans and I again found myself looking for clarity of purpose as I reconsidered my dreams. I learned to trust the process and have faith in myself and my family as I fearfully wondered whether we had the energy to welcome/care for another child. I learned to relax and believe that it would all work out. 2011 ended up being a year of being, of presence. Mindfulness is a bit of a catch word in the last decade and I wish I could say that I consciously chose to be present but the reality is that it just happened. This summer, Aaron and I made the decision that our family was complete and Aaron went in for a vasectomy which meant that 2011 was the last year I will ever be pregnant, or give birth, or hold my own newborn baby against my skin. I spent 2011 reveling in the anticipation and feeling gratitude for the childbearing phase in a woman’s life. I spent 2011 watching my baby grow and trying to soak it up, knowing now, the third time around, how very fleeting it is, knowing that I can’t slow it down, knowing that I won’t experience this first hand ever again. After all the fears and uncertainty and surprise of 2010, we were delighted to welcome Silas into our lives. He has been a wonderful ray of light and sweetness in our family. He balanced us out and healed old wounds and the first 5-6 months with him were so beautiful and—I still can’t believe it—easy. I couldn’t believe how lucky we were to have him. The last few months have been harder as sleep became a huge challenge and as a result, 2011 echoed 2009 in being a year of family, a year of being still and getting to know each other, a year of not taking on too much. I even went so far as to broadcast on facebook that we were struggling with sleep deprivation to the point where I was focusing only keeping my kids’ fed and clothed and as such my friends would have to forgive my lack of phone calls/visits. 2011 was about living day-to-day. 2011 was about the moment. 2011 was about now. But here we are: it is January. The days have slipped by. We have a new year. We can see Silas’ first birthday there on...
Read MoreMaking the Switch to Natural Toys
As I wrote last week, creating a natural playroom doesn’t happen overnight. Taking the longer route, while perhaps more realistic, is not without its bumps and setbacks. Here’s a little about what you can expect and some tips to help along the way: It’s no secret that kids don’t actually need a bunch of fancy toys, but unfortunately, I’ve also observed that given the choice, they just can’t resist the shiny, plastic, battery operated, noisy, walking, talking, lights-flashing ones. When you first start to introduce natural toys you may find, like I did, that they aren’t played with as much as you’d hoped. Despite observing the kids in a Waldorf Kindergarten regularly play with rocks and acorns and silks, I have a hard time imagining my kids choosing horse chestnuts and pine cones over a bucket of Lego, given the choice. And it’s not just the rocks that pose this problem. At first even the more exciting toys like the wooden castle filled with wooden horses and knights were only played with when they were brand new and often sat in the corner after that. So, you probably wonder what has worked for us? First off, don’t get discouraged. Keep buying natural toys whenever you can. Make it a priority to invest in these types of toys even if your initial efforts aren’t the raging success you were hoping for. Pool cash gifts from family and friends to get a big item or suggest that family members go together to purchase something you’ve been dreaming of. We started getting the kids some of the bigger ticket items every time a birthday or Christmas rolled around. We started with a beautiful wooden castle and eventually got each of the kids their own Waldorf doll. Expect that as you start getting more of them, there will be a shift. Expect that it will take a while, especially if finances are a big factor. Here are some ways to cut down on the expense: Try making stuff. The woman who did up this room for her son says she got very DIY and made a lot of the toys. Some of the things that we’ve made for our kids include a wooden doll bed, some doll clothes, felt birthday crowns, a wooden sword, and a knight’s tunic. I also have a book that shows how to make simple felt animals which I intend to do with Rain. A lot of etsy vendors even sell patterns for making your own felt food and you can get cheap plain silk and dye your own play cloths. Involving your kids in the process is a good way to ensure that they will be more willing to play with the creations too. Evaluate what big items you really want to purchase and what could be skipped. Do you really need those expensive play arches (even though they are cool)? It seems to me that you could invest in a lot more TOYS to be played with rather than the fancy shelves. Could you make do with a homemade stove/sink combo that sits on a table top rather than an expensive kitchen? Save those purchases until the end when you are really sure that you want/need/can afford them. Two Good Starting Points: Felt Food – I started getting the kids one set of felt play food from etsy for every gift giving occasion. I only spent about $20 at a time, but I did this for Easter, Valentine’s Day, Birthdays and Christmas so they added up quickly. At first they didn’t get used often but as the sets have started to pile up, they now play with them quite a bit. The sets aren’t expensive when you buy them slowly over time like this, and I feel good about supporting handmade etsy products. These make playing with the Fisher Price plastic stuff more fun until we can eventually afford the time/money to either make or buy a kitchen. Dress Up – starting a dress up bin is also a good place to start. This can be done...
Read MoreNatural Playroom Dreams
When my son was born, 6 years ago, our consumer culture was in the early stages of the move back to organic, natural products for baby. This included natural crib mattresses without fire retardant in them, homemade baby purees, organic natural fibre clothing and the rising popularity of cloth diapering. Similarly, I started seeing natural toys and wooden toys everywhere. Some expensive baby boutiques that catered to this mindset sprang up around Vancouver and Natural Pod was a new venture that I started seeing at baby themed trade shows like Birth Fest in East Van. I fell in love with the beauty and simplicity of many of the wooden toys and handmade dolls and soft furnishings. Furthermore, in the 3 years between the births of my first two children Canada declared BPA a toxin and banned it from infant feeding products. Our lifestyle began to shift away from plastic and I began to make efforts not to bring more plastic into our home. I envisioned our future playspaces to look like this, and this, and this, and this. A couple of things got in the way of this plan: Money – these natural toys are NOT cheap. Especially some of the bigger items like the wooden kitchen and play arches. I would be willing to save up cash birthday gifts from relatives until we could afford a fancy kitchen like this but Aaron finds them unreasonably expensive toys for kids (despite in my opinion, the obvious care, quality materials and craftsmanship that goes into some of them). Hand-Me-Downs – my sister with older kids gave me a lot of the things they had outgrown and my mom passed down a lot of my old toys from when I was young. My toys had sentimental value plus, being made in the 70’s, they were durable despite being plastic (particularly my old Duplo and Fisher Price sink, stove and dishes). Also, who was I to say no to free toys? Gifts – personally, I think it’s just a bit pretentious to tell people that I only want a certain type of toy for my kids, especially when these toys are also expensive and hard to find. If someone loves my kid enough to buy them a gift, I’m going to smile and say “thank you very much.” When people ask me what my child might like for Christmas or a birthday, I’ve found that the safest answer is “We always love books at our house!” About the only thing I will actually come right out and say is that we prefer not to have clothes or toys with licensed characters on them. Super Cool Non-Natural Toys – over the years, we were occasionally swayed by really cool gifts, or marketing, or our kids’ likes and dislikes, towards things like Lego, Schleich animals and so on. Mindset – to be honest, I think Aaron and I are both unwilling to be so rigidly crunchy as to make this kind of playroom a priority. We probably always will have a few plastic toys and Toy Story puzzles around. Afterall, I don’t think that the majority of non-natural toys are inherently evil (battery operated ones being the exception) so I’m not opposed to having them in the house. Frankly, I’m not wealthy or snobby enough to go all out on creating a natural playroom from scratch overnight. I assume that to be true for most people who admire these types of play spaces. That said, a mostly natural playroom is still something we’re working towards. We’ve had both challenges and successes with this and my intention was to discuss what seems to work in making the slow transition to natural toys…but alas, I blathered on too long again so I will offer that up in my next...
Read MorePersonal Space for Moms
Personal space used to be a pretty big deal to me. In highschool, friends would tease me about how much an infringement of my personal space would bother me. I am all for cuddling, hand holding, that kind of thing, but otherwise, please, don’t touch me. Someone sitting just a little too close, bumping my arm, jostling my leg, walking too close, standing too close is just… Ugh. Overcrowded schools and all, I had two lab partners in chemistry and we had to squeeze at one table. It drove me crazy. One of my lab partners was a lefty and I’m a righty and our elbows always bumped as we wrote notes. My brother is a knee-bouncer; sitting next to him in the car drove me nuts. And then I grew up and became a mom. {insert crazed laughter here} Can you imagine the adjustment motherhood has been for me in the personal space department? Moms don’t get to have their own bodies. From conception, our little ones start sharing our bodies in a way that is equal parts annoying and magical. Then, wonder of wonders, they pass right through our bodies, out into the world and we begin the slow process of separation. It doesn’t happen overnight. At first, there’s nursing. I’ve been nursing now for six years, minus a few months during each pregnancy. This means that day and night, someone is attached to me, sucking on me, crawling on me, sleeping on me, grabbing at me, sometimes even pinning me down or chasing me. (Don’t get me wrong – I love breastfeeding). Silas has also gotten to the play with his food stage: he pinches and squeezes the boob as he nurses, pulls the nipple out of his mouth, then lunges to re-latch. I know from past experience that this is coming too: sticking fingers up my nose or in my mouth repeatedly, trying to grab my tongue, while nursing. Thankfully, I’ve never allowed the nipple twiddling that most nurslings are famous for because I knew that would send me right up the wall. And it doesn’t end with weaning. My older kids are always sitting on me, touching me, pinching me. They even try to move my arms or legs to suit their own purposes when I’m busy trying to do something (like sleep, or nurse their little brother). But I’ll tell you a secret. For the most part, I don’t mind. I remember my prenatal class instructor telling us about a woman who scooped up her newborn baby, covered in blood and vernix and began instinctively, to LICK him clean…like a cat. I think it’s worth mentioning that at the time I heard this story, 7 months pregnant with my first child, I thought it was bewilderingly outrageous, but now, after three kids, I kind of see where she was coming from (though, I must say I have never done it). Because these little beings began their lives safely sheltered and cradled inside my own body, part of me views them as an extension of my own body. In my mind, I observe my interactions with Silas, the way I wrap my body around his, kissing armpits, blowing raspberries on soft belly skin, nibbling toes. I could eat him up. He’s delicious. He’s a cuddler and in the mornings, we often lay together entwined, mouths millimeters from cheeks, breathing together, feeling each other’s warmth. His neck rolls may smell like sour milk and he drools on me but I barely notice. I remember being the same with Rain and Noa. There is no too close with them. It often feels like we can’t be close enough, for long enough. There’s another little surprise though. I feel that slowly shifting with Rain. He is six now and I can feel our personal space beginning to bubble between us. Sure, we still cuddle and hug and hold hands and kiss and fall asleep with our arms wrapped around each other, but now, when I lay down with him at bedtime, his breath in my face feels...
Read MoreBirth Short Stories
{Last month I put out the call for SHORT birth stories. I wanted to see what would happen if we were restricted to tell our stories in fewer words. What would stand out? What would we decide absolutely had to be told? How would we get creative? So here are the submissions, in 100 words or less}. Hazel Water broken, contractions slow. All day walking walking walking the house. Beer, nap, lovely. Sun sets. Now so fast! Pounding the bathroom wall. Doula’s eyeballs, “haaaaaaa, haaaaaaaa, haaaaaaa”. Even transition won’t keep me from clicking “next” when Christmas music comes on the IPod shuffle. Friend’s restaurant caters. Team takes turns eating in the kitchen while I privately push. Baby comes down down down, then wriggles into the water. Papa lifts her up. After all this waiting, 286 days, she is here, on my chest, one eye swollen, red heart between her brows. He whispers, “She’s a girl”. My girl. – Emma Summer, Your Fonder Heart Done in 90 minutes! (And 100 Words or Less) Contractions on Halloween Trick… or Treat? Trick. Two days later… false alarm? It’s time! ER : “Pregnant lady in distress” Orderly: “Can’t find the only working elevator” Crawling zigzags throughout a darkened lobby Maternity nurse: “Too soon – let’s monitor” NO! “Need to push” “Can’t be! Let’s start an I.V” Uh-uh! Three primal screams, the busy room paused Daddy: “There’s a HEAD in that water!” One more push… Caul birth. Snip. Whoosh! Baby on tummy “Don’t cut that cord!!!” Anxious doctor: “Can I cut now?!” “Wait! OK… now” Nursing newborn Uneasy staff “It didn’t cry!” “Is it OK?” EVERYBODY OUT! Babymoon… – Alicia C., McCrenshaw’s Newest Thoughts **Note: Alicia submitted the cutest picture to go with this story but as of 11:00pm PST, wordpress will NOT let me post it without automatically mucking up all the code for this post. Argh. Hopefully, I’ll be able to add it tomorrow. Tegan With my second child, I was determined to have a natural birth after having an epidural and induced labour with my first child. I read 7 books and many, many natural birth stories online over the 9 months that I was pregnant with her. My labour pains began at 1:10 am and I was excited. I told myself to relax my cervix and pictured her sliding down. My mantra: Woman have been doing this since the beginning of time, you can do it! She was born naturally at 3:30 am that same morning and I was home by 6 am. – Tanya, matedo-tanya.blogspot.com {Finally, my birth stories, dutifully shortened, perhaps the only way they will ever get written.} Rain A few days past my due date with my first baby. Contractions start at bedtime, hours after a stretch and sweep. I labour through the night, in and out of the shower, as our midwife sleeps on the couch. Early morning, she suggests breaking the waters. Soon after, I am Pushing. Ring of Fire. You are born at sunrise. Our eyes are locked in yours – minutes pass before we check to see that you are a boy. Then, retained placenta. I still remember the golden autumn sun reflected on the lake as I stepped out to the ambulance. Noa We spent all that day packing to move. Every minute of the next three days is planned out. At 4:30, my water breaks. Three weeks early. Change of plans. Scrambling with my sister to finish cleaning her guest room. Send the kids to the park. Wash the towels. Fill the birth pool. Friends pop in to say hello. Midwives arrive. An hour later in the summer evening sun I am pushing out a baby girl on the bed, just as the pool is finally full. Too early. Too late. House full of kids & neighbours – it’s the perfect birthday party. Silas Turn off the light, tired. Contraction. Call the midwives. Call Kate. Wake the little ones. Pacing round the house. Child’s pose. Into the lukewarm pool. Relief. Pots boiling on the...
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