Choosing Less

This year we made the decision to stay home for the holidays. Having moved last year and now living away from our families, this meant it was our first Christmas just the four of us. No grandparents. No cousins. No aunts or uncles. Just us. In our own house.

Though finances did have a big part in that decision, there was definitely some choice. The choice to forgo the big family Christmas was made because it would be easier on all of us. We gave up the time with our parents and siblings so that we could sleep in our own beds, get our own Christmas tree (for the first time!), eat on our schedule and spend time with our kids (rather than chase them down as they run around with cousins). Though some of this was selfish (because I wanted things to be more stress-free), it was also about doing what was best for the kids. Travel is hard on little ones who thrive on routine, who sleep better in familiar surroundings with a predictable bed time. Visiting family often means missed naps, late dinners, late nights. The result is that the holiday is often exhausting for everyone in the end. So we chose to let go of some traditions and stay home.

I’ve been reading Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. In her chapter on Holidays and Vacations, she says

Unfortunately, we are often drained by baking, shopping, entertaining, cleaning, driving or other activities. When our kids need us the most we’re not available. Sometimes in order to bring joy to the holidays and vacations we have to let go.

Traditions are supposed to be fun—an opportunity to come together as a family and celebrate. We collect them as we go along, gathering some from the family we grew up in, from our spouse’s family, and from friends. The result can be an overload of traditions. Too many should that lose their joy.

We were on the right track when we chose to stay home this year and focus on the needs of our young children. Being home, however, meant that I could try to do more myself. Homemade Advent Calendar, special meals for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, homemade gifts to finish on deadline, potlucks to attend, dresses to sew. Considering I am still waking with a nursing toddler 3-4 times per night, I don’t have the luxury of staying up to squeeze everything in during the late night hours. Out of necessity, I started dropping things off the to-do list.

I chose to do less. I gave up the tradition of pumpkin pie since making pastry was just too much work when only two of us would even eat the pie. We had crème brulée instead. It was easy to make and it was divine. I sewed one dress as a gift but didn’t get to the one for my daughter to wear for Christmas. We had a pj day instead. I got the blanket I was knitting sewn together but I left the trim for after Christmas.

The passage from Raising Your Spirited Child really resonated with me today because it reminded me that letting go is best not just for ourselves. It also helps us be more present with our kids. If we are less stressed and haggared by the flurry of holiday shoulds, we feel better, we have more fun and there is more of us still functioning to help our kids through. Holidays are exciting and even at home in our familiar surroundings, it gets a little out of whack for little ones. School’s out, treats are in, routines get loosened. At such a busy time our kids need us more. Sometimes it feels like the long list of things to do is for the kids, that we are making the holidays special for them. But if we were to ask our kids we might find that they’d rather have less traditions and more time with us that isn’t spent in a frenzy trying to get everything done. It might mean store-bought baking, or skipping a few family or friend gatherings but in the end, making conscious choices about how much we plan to take on benefits everyone in the family.

What choices did you make? Did you give up any traditions in order to enjoy your holidays more?