Kindergarten Won’t Ruin Them

This is Part IV of the series Kindergarten Considerations. In Part I, Independent Thinker, I begin with a discussion of how my son’s personality might fit within the regular school system. In Part II, Factory Model Learning, I look back at my own experience in the public school system. Part III discussed Creativity and Compassion – vital parts of education that are missed in our academic-heavy system.

My sister posted this on my Facebook wall this week:

Kindergarten won’t ruin Rain.

It reminded me how melodramatic, even laughable, the worries and fears of the parent of a four year old headed to Kindergarten can be to others.

It seems like sending your baby to Kindergarten is a North American rite of passage, not so much for the child but for the parents. Regardless of what choices we make about Kindergarten, it seems we all worry about sending our babies off into the world. That first day, walking them to the bus or kissing them at the classroom door: it’s one of those epic steps in the whole letting go process.

We parents can tend to get a little all-consumed with every decision we make for our kids. We get wrapped up thinking that everything we do will make or break them. We worry they won’t be successful or that we’re dooming them to years of therapy and it will ALL BE OUR FAULT. (Ok, I’m kidding).

We do want the best for them and considering the hours they’ll spend in school, it’s understandable that we worry about the decision, even when it doesn’t feel much like a decision, even when it’s just a matter of signing them up at the school down the street because we’re in the catchment area.

This worry about our kids is easily compounded when we see our own perceived flaws mirrored in our children. I have a tender spot in my heart when I watch Rain struggle socially. I am hyper-aware of it because it’s been a difficulty of mine for as long as I can remember. Similarly when I think of the ways I feel let down by my schooling, I am extra sensitive about the choices I am making for Rain.

Yet, the truth is that I can’t protect him forever. I do have to let him go into the world and make his own way. I can’t assume that my kids will have the same issues as I have. They chart the course of their own lives. Just because Rain is showing signs of shyness in preschool doesn’t mean it is my duty to orchestrate his future to protect him from social anxiety. He is not doomed to share my issues just because he shares half my genes. He’ll certainly never overcome the ones we do share if I never give him the opportunity.

Sending Rain to public school, though it isn’t my first choice, could have some positive outcomes. The school is walking distance from our house. We would begin to meet families in our neighbourhood and we could get exercise walking together. French immersion is offered there so Rain could learn a second language at a young age which is important to me. Rain could benefit from some of the structure of public school and we could continue working with him on making friends and on how to join groups of kids at play. Socially, it could be beneficial. I worry about these things but I know that I am looking at the schooling prospects through the perspective of my own unique experience. I have to be open enough to accept that Rain’s experience will be different.

My sister is right. Kindergarten won’t ruin him. He will adapt. He will adjust. He may even do well, like I did.

And if it doesn’t play out that way?

We try something else.

In grade 12, when we had to put in our applications for University, when it was time to decide what we were going to be when we grew up, I never thought I’d have a career. That is to say, I never thought I would do just one thing for the rest of my life. I had this idea that I would maybe change my mind at some point, return to school and become something else. I thought I might have two or three careers in my lifetime. This wonderfully valuable truth I knew when I was eighteen—that we are never locked in; it’s never too late to change—is something I keep forgetting as I wade through the process of deciding on Rain’s schooling.

The choice I make this month doesn’t lock us in to one type of schooling forever. We can try anything out and see how it goes. We might just be surprised. And if it’s not working, we have an Ace up our sleeves because we know we have options. We can try Waldorf or Montessori or various homeschool programs. What works one year might not work the next. Rain is growing and changing. Before long, he’ll be able to actively help us and be more involved in the process as he discovers his options, tries things out and learns more about himself. We are not locked in. We always have choices.

Signing up for Kindergarten is not the end of the journey. It’s only the beginning. One step. That’s all it has to be.