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What We Do All Day
This month’s carnival topic couldn’t be more appropriate for us. Last week was our first official week as homelearners. Of course, as the carnival theme points out, “we’re all home schoolers” and “children, of whatever age, are learning all the time” whether they attend traditional schools or not. In fact, our daily routine this past week really didn’t differ much from our routine over the summer. The difference now is just that as I’ve officially signed up with a home learning program, I’m responsible. Ack. How nerve wracking! The program we’ve signed up with is called SelfDesign and it isn’t curriculum based. We can learn any way that we want and follow our kids’ whims and interests. There really are very few constraints and I love that the program recognizes exactly the theme of this month’s carnival: kids are learning all the time, just by going about their daily activities. We are assigned a learning consultant who helps us come up with a learning plan for the year. They encourage you to do mind maps with your kids so they have input into what they want to do over the year. The learning plan becomes the road map that guides us. The more overwhelming part is that we must report weekly to our learning consultant. The report includes a journal and reflection on our weekly activities and we must log a certain number of hours spent in these activities each week. Initially I felt really worried that we wouldn’t DO enough to account for all these hours. I have ordered some books and art supplies and other project materials that I intend to have in a cupboard to dig into when the little sister is napping. But alas, they haven’t arrived yet. Swimming lessons don’t start until October. We’re still deciding on some other group activities. What were we going to do every day?! It turned out that the answer to my dilemma wasn’t to rush to the computer and start googling and printing off worksheets for my not even 5 year old, pre-literate little one. The answer was to just start observing our day with fresh eyes (funnily enough our reports are called Observing For Learning). What did I see? The first day, Rain was outside in the garage with his dad. He came inside with a board. Onto the board he had screwed some fasteners to hold down some flexible hose. He had attached some plumbing bits to the hose, including a spout and a tap/valve. He showed me his handiwork and then went straight into the bathroom to test if his valve worked. Sure enough, it did. Water poured from the faucet at the bathroom sink, through his hose, past the valve (which he had put in the open position) and straight onto the bathroom floor. Success!! We mopped up the water, and put him in the bathtub with his contraption and he proceeded to play experiment for another 30 minutes. Early science experiment disguised as play. Later that day, we went for a walk on the beach for an hour. Rain ran about and dug for crabs by following the air holes in the sand at low tide. He identified various types of shells, filled our van with rocks and driftwood and watched some kite surfers playing in the wind. A walk at the beach became both science class and gym class. And what about the questions I answer all day long? In the last couple of days, I’ve answered questions on why the tide always changes, how to identify an evergreen tree, why someone might lie or steal and whether or not it’s a good thing to do, what is in the center of the earth, and a surprisingly tricky one to answer: what is math? It’s a little tricky getting the hang of logging our “schooling” hours but it’s not from lack of time spent learning. It’s more a matter of quantifying all these little moments spent in conversation through the day, as we drive, as we grocery shop, as I keep a...
Read MoreBriefly August
This monthly review is inspired by Amber Strocel‘s monthly What I Learned post. Hop over to her site to catch the other participants in her link up and to read what she learned too. Here’s what happened in August: I learned that committing to a homelearning program for Rain feels surprisingly good (for now). Ask me again in a couple of months. I learned how attempted to can dill pickles. I say attempted because we have to let them sit for a couple of weeks before we try them so at this point I don’t know if it was a bust or not. However, we took the kids to a local u-pick farm and picked cukes together and then Aaron and I canned 19 quarts of pickles for the first time. Can’t wait to try them. I discovered that our local Waldorf school initiative will be starting small this year by offering a two morning a week Waldorf Kindergarten group. This means that Rain can go there and get some Waldorf education, I can get a bit of a break, and we can still try out homeschooling. I can’t tell you how happy I am about this arrangement. This is actually my ideal set up and I wish it could continue that way into the coming years. In addition to the two morning Kindy program there is also a Friday morning Waldorf circle (where parents stay) that sounds like a fun social outting too. We’ve enjoyed getting to know the families from the school over the past year and we look forward to our continued involvement with the school initiative and to developing a deeper friendship with these families. I thought a lot about what it takes to feel done having children and discovered (even before this baby is born) that I am totally done. I had always wanted three kids and yet, I also felt some very real disappointment about the positive pregnancy test. For the first time, I could see all the benefits of only having two children and it felt ok. In fact, should I have miscarried early on in the pregnancy, I’m not sure that I would have continued to pursue the idea of three kids. This was a surprise to me and put things in perspective a bit. Nevertheless, now that we’re on the road to three, I am getting excited and looking forward to February and I’m also content knowing that after the baby arrives, I won’t find myself perpetually yearning for another. I’m sure Aaron is relieved to hear that too. I celebrated as four of my friends welcomed babies this month (including one set of twins). All of the singletons (and one of the twins) were boys by the way. I reflected on the idea of wishing and whether or not I subscribe to it. In the coming days, I’ll tell you about my experiment with wishing. I started to feel moderately less sick and tired and I officially crossed over into the second trimester! What did August hold for...
Read MoreWishing
This spring I took an e-course called Mondo Beyondo. It was about dreaming big. That is, it was about the things we wish for – how do we figure out what we want and how do we go after them? Among the books on the recommended reading list were The Alchemist and The Wishing Year, neither of which I had read before. The Wishing Year in particular spoke to me because the woman who wrote it, Noelle Oxenhandler was a bit of a skeptic. I loved Mondo Beyondo and I got a lot of out The Alchemist too, but sometimes there was this one little thing that rubbed me the wrong way. It’s hard for me to believe the claim that the Universe wants us to achieve our dreams and if we just wish hard enough, it will happen. I mean, every single day there are millions of people wishing very hard that they weren’t living with drought, or famine, or war, or genocide. I refuse to believe that the Universe doesn’t care to remedy those situations but is willing to help Noelle Oxenhandler in her dream of “a house, a man, and [her] soul” or me with my (comparatively) insignificant dreams. I appreciated The Wishing Year because Oxenhandler raised those same concerns. Yet, she still became a believer in wishing (or dreaming) and in fact, she even achieved her dreams for a house, a man and renewed spirituality. Mondo Beyondo (and the above mentioned books) turned me into a believer too, but not because I ended up convinced that the Universe does care about our dreams. What I gleaned from all the reading and thinking I did on the subject was that wishing makes dreams come true for three reasons: The act of wishing or dreaming, particularly if associated with some ritual like writing the Mondo Beyondo list or following the varied and elaborate steps in The Wishing Year, clarifies what you want and puts it front and center for you. To achieve your dreams, you need to keep focused on them. You can’t let them get swept into the corner. Having a clear intention is the first part of taking a step towards a goal. Making a wish often involves an element of release or letting go, closing it up in a box or forgetting about it. This is the part about believing that there are outside forces involved. For me, this doesn’t mean that there will be divine intervention. It means that part of making a wish or daring to dream is to allow it to unfold. Because we can’t foresee the future and the ways we may change as we proceed towards our dreams, it’s important that we give our dreams some wiggle room. You may get exactly what you wished for despite the fact that when you wished it you couldn’t even see clearly what it would look like. You have to leave some of it open to chance (or divine intervention, if that’s what you prefer). The reasons some people seem so good at having their dreams come true is because they change their attitude. They approach life ready to say yes, to try new things and they go about their day with a sharp eye for opportunity (signs or omens if you read The Alchemist). They are willing to change their lives. They don’t let fear or negativity hold them back and because they take more risks, they get more rewards. To me, wishing involves all the things we call we prayer, asking the Universe, certain meditations, superstitions and if they are heartfelt and accompanied by the attitude change and willingness to be flexible that I described above, I really believe that all of these forms of wishing carry power and beauty with them. Do you make wishes? Do you believe in wishes and dreams coming true? Has it happened to you? What do you wish for right...
Read MoreFinally, A Decision
This is Part X of the series Kindergarten Considerations in which I have been discussing (and wrestling with) the considerations behind the seemingly innocuous decision of where to send my four year old son to school. I will tentatively call this the last post in the series but can’t promise that I won’t ramble on about this in the future. Apparently I can’t stop myself. Last week I formally committed to a decision about what to do for Kindergarten. Not bad, two weeks before Back-To-School. The decision had been gradually unfolding over the course of the summer and in some ways was precipitated by the news of our pregnancy but it was only last week that I finally signed up for a homelearning program. Maybe part of me always wanted to make this decision, but I was scared. I’ve been looking forward to a bit of a break. I do feel sheepish saying this but it is true. Aside from a 6 month contract doing part-time work for Environment Canada, I’ve been home with my kids for 4.5 years. In that time, I went back to University to complete my degree, wrote two business plans, participated in a year long self-employment program through Service Canada and BCIT, ran my own business, moved to a new community (and changed houses twice), and helped my husband start his own business for which I now run the office. On top of that, I’ve had about 1 year of decent sleep since Rain was born and 9 months of that was pregnant sleep. I’m tired. I was looking for some time to think about what I want to do, to think about self-care. I’m tired of trying to fit work in during nap times. Kindergarten looked like a realistic time when I could accomplish some of these things. Not to mention, we all get along better when we occasionally hang out with other people. Sometimes we need to miss each other. It’s good for Rain to do some things without me and for me to be away long enough to remember that he’s just a wild four year old, not someone intent on driving me crazy. Thankfully, there are enough positive things about homelearning to make me commit to it and to commit to us finding mutual breaks as a means of making homelearning successful too! So, putting the fears aside, here’s why I’m excited to embark on homelearning: For a variety of reasons, I don’t think that Rain would really enjoy certain aspects of school as we know it. He would probably surprise me and do better than I imagine, but I think that homeschool is the better choice for him right now. The implementation of Full-Day Kindergarten was the catalyst that made me think long and hard about Rain’s learning style and about how Rain does for long periods of time in large groups. I am confident he will be happier and more excited to learn by facilitating small group social activities and by following his lead and interests when it comes to formal learning. I am excited that the process means I get to learn with him. I am really looking forward to the things I will learn both along side Rain and in my role as facilitator. This is an adventure we are embarking on as a family and we will all grow and learn through it. Through this process I have the opportunity to learn more about parenting, marine life, learning philosophies, wet felting, math, our family relationship, discipline and more. Basically, I get to learn everything Rain is learning PLUS I get to learn through the experience itself. How awesome is that?! I am looking forward to exploring the varied ways there are to learn including mentor relationships, classes, hands on, or more formal learning like reading or doing worksheets. I hope to encourage a love of learning by focusing on child-led learning, exploration and play. I want Rain to know learning doesn’t just happen within the hours of 9:00 am and 3:00 pm and within the...
Read MoreDone Like Dinner
If you spend any amount of time online in places where people talk about pregnancy and parenting, eventually you run across the conversation where someone asks “Are you done having kids?” “How did you know you were done?” or some variation of that. In the real world, people ask “When are you having the next one?” and “Are you planning to have any more?” Oddly enough, these often come from near strangers in awkward social situations. This is particularly bizarre considering that the answers tend to be complicated. This is the thing: both situations address the same issue, but the online versions seem to acknowledge that there is an emotional component (some way of feeling done) whereas the real life one acts as though it were only a matter of logistics, not of heart. Yet, either way, the answers are far from easy. The decision to have children at all, or add more children to your family involves more than just finances. Not just can we afford it, but do we have the resources (time and energy and support)? There’s the practical, the part addressed by the idea of planning for children. But what about the emotional aspects? The idea of being done is emotionally tricky. It’s not like there’s a meat thermometer device that we can use to check if we are done. It includes our ideas about sibling relationships and what’s the right number of siblings. This includes how we might feel about only children. It includes how we might feel about having either fewer or more children than the culturally acceptable two. It probably includes some of our past experience: how many siblings did we have and how did that affect us. It includes our relationship and experience with the children we already have and with our partner. There’s also this rather nebulous idea underlying the concept of done-ness that at some point you just know. The myth is that as the last baby is placed on your chest, you look round the room at your family and feel complete, perfect, done. Some even talk about feeling like someone was always missing in their family before the last baby was conceived. This is like the ultimate goal when thinking about or discussing being done. It seems everyone secretly hopes they will get that unmistakable feeling and be ready to move on. The alternative is to be stuck with puppy syndrome which means that you might get addicted to the whole cycle of life that presents you with a newborn in all it’s soft, floppy, sleepy, sweet smelling glory. Every time your youngest gets to the point of walking and talking, you find yourself staring wistfully at the pregnant lady at the grocery store and yearning to hold a fresh baby again. You worry that no matter how many children you have, you’ll always miss having a newborn. You’ll never feel satisfied. It seems to me that while women seem more prone to puppy syndrome than men, it can still affect both sexes. Not so for the slightly more complex idea of being done childbearing. For women, the childbearing years are a particularly special time: the magic of pregnancy, the triumph and/or trauma of childbirth, and the challenges and comforts of nursing. These can be deeply rewarding and enriching times in the life of a mother. For some, it might be hard to let go of this phase of life, even when they feel they have enough children. Those who had difficult or upsetting birth experiences or disappointing breastfeeding experiences may yearn to do it one more time as a means to heal and gain closure. It can be hard to separate those feelings from the feeling that you actually want another child. Besides, moving beyond the childbearing years is also a way of growing older. Even as you appreciate your new level of freedom when your youngest heads to Kindergarten, it can be hard to admit that the baby years are behind you. It puts you on the other side. It’s the first step towards middle...
Read MoreBriefly June & July
I had been intending to do a monthly review on, well, a MONTHLY basis. But it turned out that most of what I learned in June, I couldn’t share with you all until now. So then, what I learned in June & July: 1. Old friends really are the best friends. In the middle of June, we hosted a reunion at our house for 3 of my school friends and their partners. I stressed about being hostess for 3 couples in our small house but it ended up being such an amazing weekend. 2. Prepare for the worst; hope for the best. That’s kind of how I operate. I need to worry about the what ifs and prepare for them. I understand that about myself. Fair enough but that mentality also means you waste a lot of time worrying and stressing about things that will probably never happen. In the case of our reunion, I was again pleasantly surprised by the outcome and I kind of worried for nothing. Apparently I need a little more of the hoping for the best part and a little less of the preparing for the worst. 3. What to Expect when You’re Unexpectedly Expecting. We were still on the fence over whether or not to have any more kids. Aaron was happy with just two. I have always wanted three kids. However, Noa has only recently started sleeping through the night and I’m kind of exhausted from the challenge of 5 years of back to back pregnancy and breastfeeding and night nursing. I don’t feel I have the energy to start all of that over again just yet. I can also see that if Noa gets too much older, I won’t want to go back to baby stuff. I could see the window of opportunity for a third baby closing and I’ve been working hard on being ok with that. So then we got the rather unexpected news that I’m pregnant. I cried. It wasn’t what we were planning for right now but the decision’s been made for us and in the end, it will all feel right, I’m sure. It’s definitely getting easier as the weeks go on—getting used to it, I mean. Otherwise, it’s so far been getting progressively worse with the nausea, the food aversions, the exhaustion, but I’m told that even that will get better some time soon. In the mean time, I’ve learned that in this situation: There’s almost nothing your friends and family can say that seems to be the appropriate response when you break the news. When they are happy and excited and say, “Congratulations!” wholeheartedly and enthusiastically, I thought to myself, “don’t they get it? How do they not see that the next three years are going to be so exhausting and hard?” When they (especially parents of one or two already) say, “Whoa. Really?” and open their eyes in terror while they try to smile encouragingly, I felt hurt that they weren’t happy for us or self-conscious that they thought we were crazy or stupid. In the end, Aaron and I were able to joke about it and came up with the best possible response a friend could make: a big smile and shout “Surprise!” It’s quite possible to have very mixed feelings about the little one. In fact, if I were to think hard about it, I had mixed feelings every time I got pregnant and that was ok. Embarking on new parenthood is kind of terrifying. Every. Single. Time. There are new complicated challenges to be faced each time. There’s always a steep learning curve. Somehow with our planned pregnancies, it was easier for me to accept that. This time, I feel guilty for feeling those things. As if I am rejecting the poor little bean. While I’m not that enthusiastic about multiple ultrasounds, an early dating ultrasound definitely taught me the power of visuals to help in bonding. So far we’ve been feeling kind of punched in the face with this news and I’ve been sick and tired and generally feeling...
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