Posts Tagged "Parenting"
Nagging or Something Noble
Last week, I posted another one of my son’s witticisms whereby he gave me a back-handed compliment for my nagging. I had praised Rain for having picked up the bath toys and he responded, “And I’m proud of you for asking and asking until I did it.” Truthfully, that is how it had all gone down. I had asked him several times to empty the tub. First he ignored me. Then he flat out refused. I pulled out my this-is-serious voice and told him he had to do it or else it was straight to bed. Leave it to a four-year-old to tell you he is proud of you for nagging and threatening. Essentially, Rain was jokingly pointing out that he hadn’t willfully done anything for me to be proud of. But I was proud of him. He had done a really good job despite not wanting to do it in the first place. I called the post Pride in a Job Well Done and later, I got to thinking about the whole dialogue. You know, beyond how funny it was. It occurred to me that the joke was all in whether or not I believed Rain was being sarcastic or sincere. As Aaron put it: “Either he doesn’t know what the word ‘proud’ means or else he was lying.” Maybe he wasn’t lying or joking. Maybe he was being sincere. Maybe he was telling me that I too had done my job well. Because really, if we look past the odious nature of my nagging and threatening, isn’t that my job as a parent: to ask and ask until my child learns? It’s easy to get worn down by the repetitive nature of parenting, of trying to get through to our kids, of attempting to be consistent and to follow through. Our kids are meant to learn by pushing boundaries and testing their limits. They are continually checking to see what they can get away with. I often get frustrated and I’m pretty sure I’m not the first mom to utter “You should know better!” in exasperation. My sister has pointed out to me a few times that the problem is in my expectations that it should be different. All we can really do as parents is to keep working at it: Keep reminding our kids about what is acceptable (and what isn’t) and hope that by the time our babies go out into this world they will have learned some of what we have tried to teach them. My job is just to keep showing them the way, modelling the behaviour we hope for, redirecting, and yes, asking and asking. You know the cliche about our children being our teachers? I wonder if this was another one of those cases where my son, my four-year-old, had the wisdom to see the truth in the situation. The truth that it is his job to see how far he can go and that it is my job to show him the way. I would have been happier if the whole story had involved less nagging and admittedly, a little less of me losing my temper. A couple of days later, I said to Rain “It would make me happy if you drained the tub and put the toys away” and he did it right away. I only had to ask once. Maybe we both learned a little something last week. How about you? Learned any great parenting lessons from your kids this...
Read MorePride in a Job Well Done
Last night, I tucked Rain in and went around the quiet house tidying up the stray blocks and lone socks. On a trip into the bathroom to hang a discarded towel I noticed how neatly all the bath toys were stacked on the side of the tub. I went back to Rain’s room and said, “Rain, I just wanted to say ‘thank you’ for picking up all the bath toys and draining the tub. You did a really nice job and I’m proud of you for tidying up the bathroom after your bath.” He replied, “And I’m proud of you for asking and asking until I did it.”
Read MoreTo my babies: this year…
Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions! This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about how we want to parent differently — or the same — in the New Year. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants. ****** Dear Rain and Noa This year, 2010, your fifth year and your second year with us, I resolve to: Let you help more and backseat drive less while you do Go for more walks Do my best to find the right place for you, Rain, to go to Kindergarten and Relax and give the school a chance once we make a decision Breastfeed you, Noa, until next New Year’s or as long as you’d like Shout less Spend less time on the computer during your waking hours Hold you in my arms and in my heart every day Wait and think before I react when you do something that upsets me Be patient about sleep and Continue to share the family bed with you Listen to you Never wish you were older but stay present with you right now today Take care of myself so I can be the Mama you deserve, so I can become the person you see in me Laugh more, play more, read more Teach by example and Follow your lead May 2010 be another year filled with togetherness. I look forward to learning more about you both every day. Much love, Mama ****** Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: (All the links should be active by noon on Jan. 12. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.) • To Yell or Not to Yell — The Adventures of Lactating Girl • It Is All About Empathy: Nurturing a Toddler’s Compassion Potential — Baby Dust Diaries • To my babies: this year… — BluebirdMama • Mindfully Loving My Children — Breastfeeding Moms Unite! • January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Resolutions — Code Name: Mama • Imperfect Mother — Consider Eden • Resolutions — Craphead (aka Mommy) • FC Mom’s Parenting Resolutions 2010 — FC Mom • What’s in a Resolution? — Happy Mothering • January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions — Hobo Mama • Natural Parenting Resolutions — Little Green Blog • This year, I will mostly… — Look Left of the Pleiades • Parenting Resolutions — The Mahogany Way • I Resolve to Breastfeed In Public More Often — mama2mama tips • Moving to Two Kids — Megna the Destroyer • Use Love — Momopoly • My parenting resolutions — Musings of a Milk Maker • Talkin’ ’bout My Resolutions — Navelgazing • Parenting Resolutions — One Starry Night • Invitations, not resolutions — Raising My Boychick • No more multitasking during kid time — The Recovering Procrastinator • I need to slow down, smell those roses AND the poopy diapers — Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma • Resolutely Parenting in 2010 — This Is...
Read MoreVision
2010 is our time to turn our eyes to the future, to look ahead and figure out where the road might be leading. The word for 2010 is VISION. This is the year to find our feet, develop our vision and begin the task of building. We are in a unique position to carry forward the lessons in being present and being mindful from 2009 and place them in the context of what do we need to do today to make tomorrow a reality? This is going to be an exciting year, not because a lot of things will happen but because we will be able to see what is coming. The big rocks for 2010 are: Rain starts Kindergarten – where and what that looks like TBA Continue with self-sufficiency and creativity projects Continue to grow our business Reduce/eliminate debt load Mindful parenting & positive discipline Self-care (reading, writing and figuring out how my hopes and dreams intersect with my hopes and dreams for my family) I have quite a few specific goals that I won’t list here. Maybe I’ll do a monthly goal post just to keep me accountable. At the very least, expect more news about the future vision and the direction of those calls with my sister as the vision gets clearer. How about you? What’s on the table for...
Read MoreChoosing Less
This year we made the decision to stay home for the holidays. Having moved last year and now living away from our families, this meant it was our first Christmas just the four of us. No grandparents. No cousins. No aunts or uncles. Just us. In our own house. Though finances did have a big part in that decision, there was definitely some choice. The choice to forgo the big family Christmas was made because it would be easier on all of us. We gave up the time with our parents and siblings so that we could sleep in our own beds, get our own Christmas tree (for the first time!), eat on our schedule and spend time with our kids (rather than chase them down as they run around with cousins). Though some of this was selfish (because I wanted things to be more stress-free), it was also about doing what was best for the kids. Travel is hard on little ones who thrive on routine, who sleep better in familiar surroundings with a predictable bed time. Visiting family often means missed naps, late dinners, late nights. The result is that the holiday is often exhausting for everyone in the end. So we chose to let go of some traditions and stay home. I’ve been reading Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. In her chapter on Holidays and Vacations, she says Unfortunately, we are often drained by baking, shopping, entertaining, cleaning, driving or other activities. When our kids need us the most we’re not available. Sometimes in order to bring joy to the holidays and vacations we have to let go. Traditions are supposed to be fun—an opportunity to come together as a family and celebrate. We collect them as we go along, gathering some from the family we grew up in, from our spouse’s family, and from friends. The result can be an overload of traditions. Too many should that lose their joy. We were on the right track when we chose to stay home this year and focus on the needs of our young children. Being home, however, meant that I could try to do more myself. Homemade Advent Calendar, special meals for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, homemade gifts to finish on deadline, potlucks to attend, dresses to sew. Considering I am still waking with a nursing toddler 3-4 times per night, I don’t have the luxury of staying up to squeeze everything in during the late night hours. Out of necessity, I started dropping things off the to-do list. I chose to do less. I gave up the tradition of pumpkin pie since making pastry was just too much work when only two of us would even eat the pie. We had crème brulée instead. It was easy to make and it was divine. I sewed one dress as a gift but didn’t get to the one for my daughter to wear for Christmas. We had a pj day instead. I got the blanket I was knitting sewn together but I left the trim for after Christmas. The passage from Raising Your Spirited Child really resonated with me today because it reminded me that letting go is best not just for ourselves. It also helps us be more present with our kids. If we are less stressed and haggared by the flurry of holiday shoulds, we feel better, we have more fun and there is more of us still functioning to help our kids through. Holidays are exciting and even at home in our familiar surroundings, it gets a little out of whack for little ones. School’s out, treats are in, routines get loosened. At such a busy time our kids need us more. Sometimes it feels like the long list of things to do is for the kids, that we are making the holidays special for them. But if we were to ask our kids we might find that they’d rather have less traditions and more time with...
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